Victoria Pilate, Ph.D.                            
       
This webpage contains
excerpts of copyright
protected material. All rights
are reserved.  All photos on
this page are in the public
domain.
THIS PAGE IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION.
Excerpts from Great Leap Forward's
Interpersonal Skills Lecture Materials

“Look at your behavior and work
backward. Identify defensive
behavior that may be holding you
back.”  

James W. Tamm coauthor of Radical
Collaboration in a Fast Company
interview  
Golden Rule?

Treat others as you want to be
treated …….
OR
Treat others as they expect to be
treated.

Example:  You may be a very
informal person and want to be
treated that way, but others at
work can expect some formality.
An interpersonal conflict can
develop from those differing
expectations.

Avoid Words that Trigger
Defensiveness

Absolutes
You always do …..
I never get to ……
I have repeatedly told you .
You never ….

Reference of Past
I told you before ….
I thought I said in my email last
week…

Pointing Finger
This is your fault.

Authority to a Peer
I need you to ..
Use Your Head or Go with Your
Gut Instinct in Decision-Making!?!?

Most women (61%) use subjective
judgment; Most men 69% use objective
judgment. (Hammer and Mitchell,
1996).  

Women respond to value systems.  
They think “what ifs” in that they tend
to think subjectively.  The concentrate
on fairness and building relationships.  

Men judge logically and focus on
tasks.  They think objectively and
value justice and principles.


Gender Based Perceptions
On sight, men tend to view taller
women as more intelligent, affluent,
assertive and ambitious.  Shorter
women are viewed as more nurturing
and considerate.  

Why are Interpersonal Skills Important?
One of the top reasons people are forced out of jobs or are kicked
out of the limelight at work is lack of ability to deal with others.  
According to organizational psychologists 80 percent of
organizational problems are communications. A 2002 University of
Pennsylvania study found that the number one reason for senior
managers to be fired was communications.  In particular,
respondents said the inability to develop and sustain interpersonal
relations with key people was the reason the managers were shown
the door. That was second only to poor financial performance.  
For new hires, the need for interpersonal skills is as important.  One
of the weeding questions of employment interviews is on having
interpersonal skills and providing customer service.  As the author
of a Workforce article put it, “new employees with great
qualifications often fade so quickly is because no one has shared
with them how to play the game, how to communicate within the
given culture.”

Communication skills have become so important that it is integrated
into most academic programs, formally or informally.  For example
for engineering students, the Center for Engineering Leadership at
the University of Utah has made communication skills a required
course at every level to develop student’s writing, speaking and
team skills.  Team of humanities grad students help students
including helping faculty to better integrate communication skills into
engineering curriculum.  

To survive in the work world, communication skills are a must.  From
presentation techniques and team dynamics, every successful
worker needs strong interpersonal skills.  For those who aspire to
higher levels of management, the bar is raised even higher.

Nonverbal Communications
Nonverbal communications can be as important to overall
communication as what is actually said.  When dealing with others
or trying to understand the essence of an exchange, consider the
full sum of the communications.  There are unexpected ways in
which nonverbal communications can be misinterpreted or
misunderstood.  

Silence
Silence is probably one of the most misinterpreted nonverbal
communications.  To many, silence suggests disinterest.  However,
silence like other nonverbal communication means different things
to different people. Some differences are cultural and others are
more basic, often as basic as one’s personality.
There are many different communication styles; for each silence
means something different. Silence to an internal information
processor just means the person is thinking.  Silence to an external
information processor (one who thinks out loud) is the lack of an
opinion.  Don’t be quick to judge silence as having a deeper
meaning.

Eye Contact
Eye contact like silence often is misinterpreted. Here again, some of
the misunderstandings are cultural based and other
misunderstandings come from differences in personality including
how people process information.  Culturally, direct eye contact is
discouraged among many Asian cultures, particularly the Chinese.  
Similarly, direct eye contact is also discouraged across age groups
(e.g., young people are discouraged from looking at elders directly
in the eye) among many Latino cultures.

With differing personality types, indirect or infrequent eye contact is
another human behavior which can be misinterpreted.  For
example, with an internal information processor, as they think they
tend to look up and away.  With external information processors,
they tend to continue to look directly at others as they think, often
talking through their thought process.  

Likewise, people with passive personalities or introverted
personalities, direct eye contact can be interpreted as bullying or
aggressive behavior. Those with aggressive personalities, direct
eye contact is natural and expected behavior.

Clothing Choices
I don’t think many people realize the importance of clothing within
the office.  The clothes you wear and the image you project have
major influences on the way you are perceived by coworkers and
management.  

Clothing doesn’t necessarily move a career, but it can provide aids
or “brownie points” giving signals like this person is a real
professional, this individual fits in, etc.  People do notice and
remember what you wear.   Poor clothing options can negate all the
credibility he/she has developed.  As author Susan Bixler put it,
“You don’t want them to think:  ‘Oh gosh, she sounded so much
more professional on the phone’.”

Some colors have different impacts.  Color analysis is a field
growing in uses. From politicians through marketers, color analysis
helps with getting the message across. For you, it can be as simple
as choice of color of a suit or shirt.  Darker colors project a more
professional image.  Black, navy or federal blue and charcoal gray
are excellent choices. Navy blue, dark blue or royal blue
encourages the perception of trust.  The color brown has been
associated with distrust for men but not for women.  

Handshakes
Writing in Business Communication Quarterly, Kathleen Hiemstra
suggested that shaking hands is key to making the right first
impression.  As she put it, nonverbal communication via shaking
hands can be “an important part of business success.”  Robert E.
Brown, a management consultant lecturer, took handshakes a step
further. Brown has studied the psychology of handshakes suggests
that
1.        two-handed shakes are a push too quickly to intimacy;
2.        horizontal handshakes are an expression of dominance.  
3.        crushers are overdoing it.
4.        limp handshakes are yucky and convey the wrong message.